i don't want to dwell on the frustrations of not feeling settled because it is not worth the time being frustrated when i could be productive. what it has done though, is forced me to seek some grounding in my life. i've reflected on my consistent feelings of restlessness, and what it boils down to is a HUGE fear of being stuck in one place, the ever looming dark cloud that hovers and refuses to produce refreshing rain, relief...it harbors my fears of .never leaving to travel...running out of time to do so...and being forced to live in one place when there is a great big wide world to explore!! so in my reflections i've come to accept that having a home base dose not mean being stuck. it means living healthily in an environment filled with comfort and stability and love. which in fact would actually allow me to travel...lightly :)
lightly in so many ways. one, i would not be running from something and towards nothing. two, i would not be running from nothing and towards nothing. and three, in the more literally sense, i would only travel with those things i would need, even if the duration of those travels were indefinite. although coming back to my comfy cozy made-by-me home (that will happen !!) would probably call my name pretty loudly after some time of being away.
it's not just the hopping from house sit, to hostel, to couch surf that has driven me towards some grounding. it was my recent experience with the buffalo gourd.
one thing i enjoy most about apprenticing with mimi is the time we spend sitting with plants. it is a way, probably the most important way, of getting to know a plant rather than reading about it's properties in a text book, or being told from another person what this plant does. to be able to feel a plants energy, and to be able to open up to it's abilities is an amazing and sense altering experience. i do believe that at one time humans were more connected to the earth, and that we did cohabitate in a state of mutual harmony, exchanging energies as we respected each other as living beings while utilizing each other's gifts.
it is with humbled gratitude that i acknowledge my awareness, sensitivities and connectedness to other living beings.
we went down to the san pedro river with no particular agenda, except to find certain plants, one being the buffalo gourd. a few steps from where we parked were several. at this time it still had not rained yet...although now we've had several glorious and tendering showers...so it was dreadfully dry and somewhat oppressing. before continuing down towards the river we deciding to sit a while with these gourds. as i sat, legs crossed, upright back, chest opened to the sky ready to receive acceptance, the wind begin to blow slightly. at first i noticed my thoughts starting to wonder off to whatever could possibly be distracting me. and in the forefront of my mind i could almost here this voice saying "come back to me...i am right here in front of you...you came to me, so stay for a while". it was more like a tug on my sleeve than a voice, ever so subtle, but definitely noticeable. as my attention was drawn back to the plant, i sat and felt a gentle yet strong sensation of growing roots in the sand...sprawling and steady...not giving way to the sway of the breeze. i felt more focused, my nerves were slowed, my attention attentive. this energy was the grounding essence of the buffalo gourd. apparently there are not medicinal uses for the buffalo gourd, at least according to books. there are some studies being done on it being a possible food source and/or other uses. it is so prominent in this area, a hardy and productive plant even under harsh conditions, that some believe it must hold some nutritive qualities.
just to further define how incredible this plant is, even during drought the buffalo gourd grows and roots and blooms healthy yellow flowers and fruits. when does it get water from if it's not raining ?!?!
it's root system is tubular, also giving affect to it's centered grounding. the leaves are very thick and coarse, almost unbendable or tearable.
both male and female are on the same plant:
female
male
gourd
leaves and sprawling ground cover
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