dear ruby petunia, may the wings of safety comfort you

my dear sweet ruby petunia. my little sugar plum fairy. you've been missing for two months now. i am sorry for leaving you behind. i feel complete responsibility for your sadness and fear, and the need to hide or run away. please know that indiana and i have said prayers for you and aster every single day that we've been a part, and counting the days when we can be together again. to smell your sweet, soft petunia belly. to have your whiskers tickle my nose when you curl up on my shoulder at night. to hear your bold rawr when you drag my socks and other personals across the floor, dragging the length between your hind end. your bright emerald green eyes, how they are so vibrant when you stare into the sun...i've been wearing green every day in your memory, and for the hope that you've been surviving in a kitchen cabinet, or in a box out in the barn, only to come out at night to eat when nothing is around to disturb you or harm you...you sneaky lil precious. if only i had known sooner that you hadn't been seen around then i would have been there immediately to find you and take you away with me. at that moment when i left, i did what i thought would be good for you. i would never leave you somewhere that i thought would be unsafe. i know that home is the only ideal place for you, and so i've been looking for a place for us...me and my family, indiana, aster, and you my darling rubes. it's only been recently that i've secured a home where all of us would be welcomed and comfortable. i know you too well. and i know that you don't just run away. even when you're mad at me for leaving you for too long, you just hide and pout, but you never, never run away. so i still have hope. please be there when i come. every night my heart aches for you. we were not supposed to part like this. the 13 years we've been together since your birth was not supposed to end with a sense of abandonment. i miss taking your picture when you find a single shaft of sunlight streaming through a window and you roll around in the warmth like your splashing in a tub....so incredibly dear to my heart these memories of you. and the necklace i made for you that you always seemed to lose, and when i'd find it you'd sit tall and still while i fixed it back on around your neck...you were always so proud to wear your jewelry. and those warm afternoon when you would beg to go sit out in the grass, i'd watch you hide in the reeds and pounce after a grass hopper or moth...you never hurt the creatures, only gently played with them and set them free. i try every day to put the terrible thoughts of you suffering out of my mind. i just can't bear the idea of you lying somewhere, hurt, and scared, and helpless. instead, i put out energies of safety, and vibes of love and comfort. i know you can hear me.